Write On, Cupcake, Write On

Travis woke up a true 2L today as he braced for the start of the SMU Write On competition. From thousands of miles away I could feel his nervous excitement, emanating through the phone last night in a two-hour conversation that left my hand numb and my heart aflutter for all the exciting things in store for my honey!

For the uninitiated, "Write On" is a mandatory competition for any students seeking membership on a law journal. Being on law review is a pretty prestigious resume-maker, not to mention a fantastic forum for new research in the field of law. Trav's grades automatically gave him a spot on his former school's journal, but at SMU he starts the process of distinguishing himself all over again. I know he can do it.

So I decided to celebrate with a cupcake. And not just any cupcake, mind you, a cinnamon-sugar Yummy Cupcake the likes of which my blood sugar has never experienced before. I was first introduced to Yummy Cupcakes on a warm summer afternoon in 2005, while strolling along the streets of Burbank where Travis used to live. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven-- a blissful paradise where butter is calorie-free and candy and cookies are heart-healthy staples. And then I woke up.

Travis doesn't really like sweets; he's more of a meat-and-potatoes guy, so a trip to Yummy.... that was a real treat.

I'm starting this kick of trying to experience all of the things that I won't get to have in Dallas. Yummy Cupcakes, In-N-Out, Trader Joe's... the indelible delicacies of socal living. I suppose it's a feeble attempt to bring a little piece of them with me (on my hips anyway!). Don't get me wrong, Dallas is not without its indulgences. SuperSonic Cheeseburger and Cherry Limeaid, anyone? But somehow, it just isn't the same. It's kinda funny how I'll have to shop at a different grocery store. Seems silly, but it's further evidence of my comfort in the familiar, and the personal stretching that will inevitably take place. I'll be doing a lot of yoga. Ha.

So Travis is writing his buns off, and I'm on a carb kick; I ate half for Travis. I think it'll give him good luck. Not that he needs it. What he needs is his Dana-free man-cave, a freezer stocked with Hungry-Man TV Dinners, his blue book and his brain. He's all set.

Can't wait to hear the outcome....

Every Day, It's A' Gettin' Closer....

Last night I dreamed that I was in a theme park.

Thinking back, I seem to have a recurring dream about being in a theme park, running around, looking endlessly for this one, elusive roller coaster that I just know is my favorite and will give me an incredible thrill. In my dreams I know it's out there; I know it will be sufficiently terrifying and ultimately satisfying.

Last night, I actually made my way onto a roller coaster. I don't know if it was THE roller coaster, but I felt content sitting in its shiny, brassy car. I sit down and gear up for the ride, and who should I see ahead of me, but a director that I worked with a few years ago who I recently contacted about a position at UCLA. In my real life, she graciously passed my resume along to the department, despite the fact that we do not regularly communicate.

In my dream it was as if we were old friends. The ride started, but I didn't notice the peaks and valleys because she was turned around in her car, chatting to me about various subjects and asking me about the job at UCLA. It was a genuinely pleasant conversation, and I was glad for her company.

If I can be permitted to "shrink" myself, I see that elusive roller coaster as a symbol of the life I have been searching for-- the adventure that looks so satisfying, but is always just out of reach. The challenges of my real life make me hungry and nostalgic for the rhythmic clicking of anticipation, and the sudden butterfly-stomach drop; the interplay between terror and safety.

Now it seems that I am on a roller coaster, but not necessarily the one my subconscious invented and perpetually hid from me. This one is real. This one has real thrill, real excitement, real terror and real consequences attached to it. And I couldn't be happier to be riding this ride.

Meeting the director in my dream was also symbolic.... I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and assistance from many unexpected places as I make this transition. People who have made it before, people whose friends and family are on the receiving end of our journey, people whose kindness bolsters my heart and strengthens my resolve. As the click-click-click of my car approaching the top of the hill rings in my ears, and with the freefall now in sight- just two weeks away- I feel so blessed knowing that there are hands and hearts there to catch me; that my creator will never forsake me... but is instead making my way ahead of me. Already this is so much better than I ever dreamed!

9 to 5

My bubbly heart brings to mind Dolly Parton's bubbly voice and bubbly...well, we won't go there...having just finished my first interview for my new life in Texas! A phone interview for a job that I would LOVE to have.

I felt that it went really well; harder to tell on the phone, but I felt a genuine connection and real happiness as we talked!

Whatever happens, today have me an extra dose of hope about my future in Texas, my marketability, and my new job... whatever it may be! I'm saying my prayers for this one!

Insanity and all its attributes

Every morning for the past two weeks, I have passed from sleep to waking, basking in the warm early morning glow, tenderly wiped the sleep from my eyes as I embrace the coming day, and asked myself in all sincerity, "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!?!?!"

The contemplation of my total insanity lasts only a few moments as the barrage of "to-do's" comes flooding into my psyche, drowning in its wake the pesky voice that keeps asking me if this is going to be a disaster.

I'm a law school wife. In other seasons of my life I would identify myself differently.... as a producer, a runner, a friend, and expert cook.... but for now, this singular focus has taken over my sense of self: I am picking up my life to support my husband in his dream of studying and practicing law in his home state. I am leaving behind my career, my loving family, and all present assurances of security and taking off on an adventure, deep in the heart of Texas. Go west young man, and go east crazy girl.

So here's the skinny.... I'm sitting at my desk just over two short weeks ago, when my adorable husband calls me to tell me he's been accepted as a transfer student to a top tier Texas school, after a dissatisfying year at an unranked school in SoCal. We were leaving the very next day to visit his family in Lubbock, and suddenly the trip took on a whole new meaning. What had been just an application on a whim, became a real possibility and the scales on which our lives now hung in the balance. He had applied to a number of great schools in and around LA, but when all was said and done, Texas seemed like an amazing opportunity. Great education, lower cost of living, and a chance to escape LA and make a fresh start.

We revised our travel plans to include a sojourn to Dallas, to allow me to experience firsthand what would quite possibly be my new home. My husband assured me that no decisions had been made, and that he wanted my full agreement before he accepted the Dallas offer. But, oh wait, acceptance and deposit were due on Monday, just 4 short days away.

As we walked through the glorious brick buildings on campus, I noticed a new glow emanating from my husband; one that went far deeper than the effects of the sweltering heat: this place made him happy. It gave him hope. I hadn't seen that look in a long time; and his hope, gave me hope. The decision was made.



The rest of the trip was a flurry of activity; looking at apartments and filling out applications, preparing my resume, and trying to get in touch with those closest to me to fill them in on our new plans. My parents, from whom I inherited the adventuring gene, were on a bike tour near Seattle, and had terrible phone reception. My initial messages served only to terrify them that I had been stricken with some incurable disease; my somber tone and lack of details on the message were met with concerned messages in return that I just tell them outright what was going on. I left a message with all the details, and received a wonderfully supportive email in return. I'm an independent woman, but I don't think the impact of leaving my wonderful parents, sweet nephew, and treasured sister and brother-in-law has sunk in yet.

So here we are, a lifetime of only two weeks later, and our apartment has been packed up, the moving truck is on its way, and my husband is doing his best to set up our new life in Dallas. I'm serving out my notice at my current job, and contemplating what comes next. What career path do I want to pursue? What can I do differently this time? How can I make my life better... more in line with who I am inside?

Sleeping on a sofa and being separated from the love of my life has afforded me plenty of time to consider what is really important in this life. Adventure called, and we answered..... what happens next remains to be seen!