Every Day, It's A' Gettin' Closer....

Last night I dreamed that I was in a theme park.

Thinking back, I seem to have a recurring dream about being in a theme park, running around, looking endlessly for this one, elusive roller coaster that I just know is my favorite and will give me an incredible thrill. In my dreams I know it's out there; I know it will be sufficiently terrifying and ultimately satisfying.

Last night, I actually made my way onto a roller coaster. I don't know if it was THE roller coaster, but I felt content sitting in its shiny, brassy car. I sit down and gear up for the ride, and who should I see ahead of me, but a director that I worked with a few years ago who I recently contacted about a position at UCLA. In my real life, she graciously passed my resume along to the department, despite the fact that we do not regularly communicate.

In my dream it was as if we were old friends. The ride started, but I didn't notice the peaks and valleys because she was turned around in her car, chatting to me about various subjects and asking me about the job at UCLA. It was a genuinely pleasant conversation, and I was glad for her company.

If I can be permitted to "shrink" myself, I see that elusive roller coaster as a symbol of the life I have been searching for-- the adventure that looks so satisfying, but is always just out of reach. The challenges of my real life make me hungry and nostalgic for the rhythmic clicking of anticipation, and the sudden butterfly-stomach drop; the interplay between terror and safety.

Now it seems that I am on a roller coaster, but not necessarily the one my subconscious invented and perpetually hid from me. This one is real. This one has real thrill, real excitement, real terror and real consequences attached to it. And I couldn't be happier to be riding this ride.

Meeting the director in my dream was also symbolic.... I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and assistance from many unexpected places as I make this transition. People who have made it before, people whose friends and family are on the receiving end of our journey, people whose kindness bolsters my heart and strengthens my resolve. As the click-click-click of my car approaching the top of the hill rings in my ears, and with the freefall now in sight- just two weeks away- I feel so blessed knowing that there are hands and hearts there to catch me; that my creator will never forsake me... but is instead making my way ahead of me. Already this is so much better than I ever dreamed!